Who would you rather trust in a battlefield situation? A higher ranking officer who recently graduated in the top of his class and had a really clean uniform, or a tough old grizzled sergeant who had survived multiple battles? My money is on the sergeant.

How about when it comes to building a business? Would you trust a newly minted double Master’s degree in Business and Accounting with a PhD in Entrepreneurship or a seasoned veteran who had made a fortune starting and selling multiple successful companies? Easy answer.

Do not confuse credentials with accomplishments

Plenty of people have been educated beyond their intelligence. You’re probably thinking of one or two right now. We’ve all seen degreed baboons elevated to positions of authority or interviewed on television (as “experts”) because of nothing more than the letters that follow their name.

Recently one blogger lashed out at members of the personal finance blogging community claiming that without proper credentials, readers may be listening to someone who barely graduated high school. Needless to say, no one will be linking to his site (the backlash apparently caused him to back down and delete the post). What’s funny is HE doesn’t even have the credentials he blasts others for not having. Pot and kettle metaphor anyone?

The fact is, credentials and accomplishments are very different, and given the choice, I’d much rather listen to someone who had been there and successfully done that, than someone who read about it and passed a government test. With information literally at your fingertips, we can find out much the same information that credentialed “experts” have anyway. The Internet is the great equalizer to a certain degree. Besides, in my personal opinion, credentials are less important when compared to what someone has actually accomplished.

Would you rather listen to the endless droning of a certified, chartered, CPA, MBA, PhD, ABCDEFG or to someone who has been in your shoes and can recount to you their struggles with debt, with their free-spending spouse, with living by a budget, with losing a job, with trying to decide which insurance plan is best?

I know what I’d choose and the MBA loses out. Shoot, I have an MBA but it’s not nearly worth as much as life experiences and my personal accomplishments.

Accomplishments trump credentials

When you’re dealing with important financial matters, DO seek out someone with credentials, but make sure their accomplishments match what you’d like to achieve. Everyone has a track record and while it may be difficult and seem a bit odd to ask, always take a moment and find out what your advisor has accomplished.

Accomplishments trump credentials but when you find someone with both, you might ought to stick with them.

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I’ve long been a proponent of using budgeted vacation money to buy experiences over using it to buy things. Things break. Things have to be maintained. Things get stolen, they wear out, they go out of style, and they get thrown into a corner of your attic and forgotten. Not so with experiences. Experiences create memories and memories are long treasured after things have worn out. Memories are passed down to subsequent generations of family and friends.

I believe it was the late Senator Paul Tsongas who said:

No one on his deathbed ever said, I wish I had spent more time at the office.

The question is: where do you think people on their deathbed wish they had spent more of their time? My theory is that they wish they had spent more time with family and friends, more time experiencing great places and events, more time teaching children and grandchildren … and learning from them. More time experiencing life and all its richness, less time buying things that won’t last. I recently lost a family friend who suddenly died of heart failure. This guy was a blast to be around. He lifted spirits everywhere he went and he always had a smile or a gut-busting laugh about something. His personality was infectious and his specialty was encouragement. Before he died, he confessed something that stunned me. He confessed his regrets – his regrets about what he did for a living, what he didn’t do that he wished he had, the girl he didn’t marry (he remained single for 65+ years), the children he didn’t have, the life he didn’t live. I was amazed that someone so positive and uplifting to others was down in the doldrums himself. His unexpected death shocked me and my family. More shocking were his confessions. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want the office to suck so much life from me that I don’t live at home because of the stress I bring home. I don’t want business and the thrill of competition in the marketplace to mold me into someone my children love, but don’t want to be around. Someone they are satisfied to see just once or twice per year because I’m an ogre to be around unless it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas. Someone who dies with the respect of my family, but who has regrets a-plenty. That’s one reason why I take my wife and children on vacations and trips but we don’t have an enormous home theater entertainment system. We go to interesting places in the USA, but I don’t own a boat, or a four-wheeler, or a Harley Davidson, or an iPad, or a sports car, or a McMansion, or a host of other toys that will wear out. I’d much rather take my family on a trip to Seattle (using CityPASS of course), or take my wife hang-gliding over Lookout Mountain outside of Chattanooga, or take a hot air balloon ride (still on the bucket list), or experience Yellowstone National Park. Those experiences have created memories that will last a lifetime. We still laugh about our experiences and recount to each other and to friends the great times we had as a family. You don’t have to go on trips to New York or Los Angeles to create memories though. You can create memories just by making a new recipe, or camping in the backyard, or taking a walk through the woods near a park, or going to the county fair with the kids. Great memories from your experiences are waiting on you. All you have to do is make them, and then recount them to others to make them outlast anything you can buy at the mall. So leave your office cell phone at the office and experience life with the ones you love. You won’t regret it. Photo credits:

• Hang gliding photo by audreyjm529
• City of Seattle by yours truly – from atop the Space Needle

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Good manners are the social oil that we use to decrease friction between ourselves and our opinions and the opinions of others. Do you know someone who constantly overwhelms you, who could easily be accused (and convicted) of being rude, or who is completely intolerant of your ideas, beliefs, or feelings? Do you struggle with using good manners with them? Don’t give up!

Seven Guidelines for Good Manners

1. Manners are different from etiquette. Etiquette is simply a set of formalized instructions on how to behave in specific circumstances (which fork to use, when to be seated, etc). Manners are more related to the general notion that people should be polite and respectful of others and their opinions. Rudeness is the opposite of good manners.
2. Good manners always work to make others feel comfortable. Good manners dictate that we should work to make others feel comfortable and accepted in our presence, regardless of how their upbringing, culture, or traditions differ from ours.
3. Good manners treat everyone with proper respect. You should especially treat your closest family and friends with good manners and respect so don’t reserve good manners only for people you’re trying to impress. Show good manners to anyone and everyone. I’m particularly sensitive about showing proper respect to elderly people and insist that my children do the same.
4. Mix honesty with diplomacy and tact. Honesty is always the best policy, but never use honesty as an excuse to be hurtful. The truth may indeed hurt, but only when it’s wielded with malicious intent or complete disregard for how another person feels.
5. Good manners show consideration for others. Make it a point to do the little things such as saying “please” and “thank you,” respond promptly to invitations, and be on time. Open doors for other people, don’t rush to get in front of them in queues or lines, and THINK about how what you say could be misunderstood. Use your words and actions to show people you value them, their efforts, and their time.
6. Be flexible. Not everyone grew up with the same traditions, customs, and rules that you did. Be sensitive to local laws, and lapses, of manners. For a great site on manners abroad in executive situations check out Executive Planet. It’s filled with ideals on how to give gifts, make presentations, entertain for success, engage in polite conversations, and accepted public behaviors.
7. Good manners never humiliate. Never intentionally make anyone look bad in public. Never mock, commenting on someone’s clothes or appearance, or publicly point out someone else’s bad behavior. Seek ways to allow them to save face and avoid being ridiculed.

Good manners should always take precedence over etiquette or any other tradition or formalized dictate. Basic human kindness and thoughtfulness should always come before nitpicky rules. When in doubt, show good manners and you’ll always look your best and help others to look their best as well.

Photo by unruhly

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Did you know that you’re continually choosing to ignore some things and emphasize others? Every day, you’re using what’s called “preferred perception,” and it’s a good thing you are! When crossing a busy street you’d better choose to pay attention to the traffic, and not the aroma wafting from the Italian bistro or the yapping little dog on the corner.

Unfortunately, we do this even when we don’t need to. You might enter a room and choose to notice the beautiful flooring and the people in the room, or you might decide to notice the dust in the corner and the way the molding doesn’t quite fit around the door. You can see a beautiful day with flowers smiling in the sunshine, or choose to focus on the weeds growing in the yard.

We all use preferred perception hundreds of times a day, usually without realizing it, and often without consciously controlling it.

Use elective perception to help you

You can start right now to control the way you use preferred perception, particularly where it concerns beliefs about yourself. First, recognize that most of what you assume about your abilities, or lack of them, aren’t necessarily facts cast in bronze. They’re simply beliefs. And beliefs can be changed.

How do I change my beliefs about myself?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I learn quickly?
• Are there examples of times when I learned something quickly?
• Has someone commented on how quickly I picked up on new information?
• Has anyone mentioned that I had a particular skill?
• Has anyone ever noticed that I had a way of dealing with situations effectively?
• Can I set something up or organize it efficiently?
• Whether it was a game, a party, a department, or just a new way of getting something done, was I able to organize it so that it did in fact get done as expected?
• Can I match people to their strengths?
• Have I ever advised anyone that they might be good at something, and it seemed to make sense to them?
• Have I ever assigned people to tasks that they felt were challenging and well suited to their abilities?
• Have I ever trained, developed, or motivated anyone?
• Have I ever trained, developed, or motivated anyone at work? In school? In a club or other social setting? On an athletic team or in some volunteer work?
• Have I ever trained, developed, or motivated my family?
• Are there instances I can remember where I communicated clearly and accurately, so that people understood what I expected of them and what they could expect of me, and where this led to something getting done that needed doing?
• Am I a logical person who has figured out practical, workable solutions to problems?
• Has anyone ever commented on that?
• Have I ever gotten people to interact with one another in harmony, in any sort of work or play?
• Have I ever pulled together a family project?
• Have I ever organized an amateur theater production?
• Have I ever organized a work assignment?
• Have I ever coached or organized a sports team?
• Have I ever pulled together a volunteer effort?
• Have I ever organized a recreational pursuit such as a vacation, or building a small structure?
• Am I creative in some way?
• Have I ever produced anything that required some creativity?
• Have I written something creative?
• Have I ever drew or sculpted? Have I ever written a song or poem?
• Have I ever created a new outlook, or a new way to approach something?
• Have I put two ideas together in a way they hadn’t been connected before?
• Have I ever figured out a way to solve a problem or find a new way of doing things?
• Did I ever think of a new game, or a new way of playing an old game?
• Can I recall instances where people acted in a way that showed they were happy to be working with me?
• Or where they told me directly that they liked to work with me?
• Or that they felt I brought a positive energy to the workplace?
• Do I have any special knowledge, talents, or experience?
• Do I have any special interests?
• Am I good with computers? With cars? With counseling?
• Do I know a lot about a particular market?
• Do I know a lot about certain process, or machine, or software?
• Do I know a lot about antiques?
• Do I know a lot about arranging travel?
• Do I know a lot about nutrition?
• Do I have a knack for sales?
• Do I have a talent for producing something in a low cost way?
• Am I a prolific producer of anything?
• Do I write better than the average person?
• Do I understand compensation systems?
• Am I a good negotiator?
• Am I good at confronting people who need to be confronted?
• Am I good at diplomacy and tact when faced with an issue?
• Do I often tend to make people feel more confident, more peaceful, more invigorated?
• Have I ever brought enthusiasm to some activity?
• Have I ever gotten past a big obstacle?
• Have I ever turned around a difficult situation?
• Have I ever learned from a mistake?
• Have I ever made some changes that weren’t easy?
• Have I ever achieved something that others recognized as requiring persistence and determination?
• In my own mind, can I see how my persistence might make me better able to relate to people, or give me credibility, or help me serve as a role model or set an example for someone?

Choose to look at the positive aspects of your personality and your abilities. Choose to look at the positives in your education, your experience, your achievements, and your future.

Stop looking at what you can’t do, and choose to focus on what you CAN.

Photo by JMRosenfeld

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Photo by Search Conversion

Experts in the field of team building recommend establishing a team charter – a document that spells out what it is the team is to accomplish, how, who is accountable for what, the boundaries of responsibilities, and a step by step action plan for achieving success. We charter yachts, planes, and teams, why don’t we charter our families – setting their direction, establishing their course, and determining (ahead of time) what principles will guide them?

Families are teams, too

Your family unit is also a team, with responsibilities to each other and to your community, your church, and your country. Maybe I missed it, but I‘ve never heard of a family establishing a family charter – a “why are we here” document that spells out the family’s goals, responsibilities, expectations, and vision for success as a family. We do this all the time with businesses, why don’t we do this with our family?

Just imagine the good could come from sitting down this weekend with your spouse and children and establishing your own family charter that defines the purpose of your “family team,” how it will work and the expected outcomes? What if you and your family established a set of “directions” that would guide each of you based on your shared values and visions of success for your family as a whole and each family member individually? Would that have any value to you?

The Family Charter

The charter must be specific enough to keep your family on track, but it should not restrictive or cumbersome. And, although there will certainly be disagreements and conflicts about the charter as it’s being developed, remember to use conflict resolution and negotiation skills to deal with any friction.

Make sure your family charter:

• Answers the question, “What is our family’s purpose?”
• Defines the values that will guide your family
• Spells out individual roles
• Sets boundaries
• Establishes the processes needed to manage familial relationships
• Encourages collaboration among family members
• Establishes responsibility and accountability
• Sets up how decisions will be made
• Addresses conflict resolution
• Sets the criteria for how success will be measured
• Identifies resources you’ll need to function successfully

I don’t currently have a family charter

But I’m going to sit down with my wife and children this weekend and open up a discussion. I plan to discuss our finances, our joint and individual goals, and our values. I also plan to discuss what and how we see our purpose as a family unit.

Additional family charter ideas

I’m planning to print ours out, frame it, and place it in a prominent area of our home. It might create discussions with others who visit on how we as a family unit view our role on this earth.

Decide as a group about how to budget for giving and insure that it matches the family’s values.

I think it would be a good idea to have each family member sign the family charter as a symbol of their agreement with the direction we’re heading.

Failing to plan is the same as planning to fail.

I’ll keep you posted on how this goes, but it’s something I’ve been turning over in my mind for quite some time.

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