Can you imagine what your life would be like if no one taught you anything – if you had to learn everything by yourself? Assuming our basic needs for food, water, shelter, and companionship were met, I doubt any of us would have made much of our lives at all.

Teaching others is innate in all of us to a degree. We long to communicate easier ways to get across town, to share our secret for a perfect cheesecake, to clue someone else in about how to deal with a cranky bookkeeper, to tell a co-worker about a speed trap on the highway, or to discuss what we learned from reading a finance book. Those lessons are then passed on to others, who benefit from our experiences and advice.

Sometimes, though, we withhold information. We live and learn ourselves, but we don’t want to teach those lessons to others. Why?

Pride

We don’t want to appear stupid so we don’t tell others about mistakes we made and help them learn from them.

Selfishness

We want all the glory for knowing something and we want to appear more “in the know” than someone else.

Impatience

We aren’t willing to explain the lessons we learned to someone because we’re in too big of a hurry and our time is too valuable.

Ignorance

We don’t realize that we learned a valuable lesson and others could potentially benefit from our experiences.

Revenge

We don’t like the person we’re speaking with and we certainly don’t want them to benefit from anything we worked for.

All negative traits for sure.

The benefits of sharing our life lessons

There are some real benefits you accumulate when you share information with others.

It creates an instant bond

When you share your experiences with others, they get to know you better and you’re better able to connect with them on a deeper level. Friends share beneficial information with each other.

You cement the lesson in your own life

Nothing helps you learn a subject better than teaching it and if you learned a powerful life lesson, teaching it to others will help make it rock solid in your own life.

You become more “real”

If you’ve ever had the privilege of knowing someone famous, you know what their hang-ups are, you know their weaknesses. It makes that person more real to you because you know them on the inside. Sharing painful life lessons that you learned with someone else breaks down any barriers they had in their mind and makes you more real and believable to them.

So, take a few moments and teach someone else what you’ve learned, but do so without condescension, with a spirit of humility and reap the benefits in your own life. That’s one of the driving motives behind The Wisdom Journal!

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You’ve gotten that promotion and does it ever feel GREAT! You are now the boss. You’re in charge and from here on out, things are going to be different. Your department WILL come in under budget, make their deadlines and, under your leadership, they WILL get things done. Right?

Many new bosses take the position that their only goal is to meet deadlines, drive “continuous improvement,” and just get things done (whatever that means). These bosses regularly treat their employees like cogs in a machine – replaceable parts that have little value.

Though these tactics may work in the short term, in the long term they plant the seeds of low morale and productivity, and they grow to produce employees that do ONLY what they have to do to keep their job. A far more effective policy is to develop methods to gain the loyalty and admiration of those working under you by showing them respect. Here are some specific ways to do that:

• Ask rather than tell: Instead of issuing orders, present assignments to employees as requests. That doesn’t mean you should be wishy-washy or passive-aggressive. Just issue a clear, direct, and concise request.
• Be clear when giving instructions: Make sure your employees understand their responsibilities and your expectations.
• Don’t be afraid to admit a mistake: If you take responsibility, employees will follow suit, taking responsibility for their actions, and your workplace will be both more pleasant and productive.
• Encourage disagreement: Employees who disagree (and can back it up) and those with questions can help you uncover flaws in your thinking and processes. Listening to employees also makes them feel valued and respected.
• Give regular feedback: Make sure employees have a strong sense of their performance level, including areas in which they could improve. Give praise and compliments when they’re deserved.
• Always be polite: Never belittle your employees. Criticize when it’s warranted, but never in public or in front of other employees. If you make people feel dumb or ashamed even once, they won’t work hard for you.
• Set a good example: Abide by the rules you set for employees. If you don’t, you’ll look like BE a hypocrite.
• Never make it personal: Always focus on work performance. Don’t comment on appearance, dress, or anything that might offend.

It all boils down to treating employees the way you want to be treated. And that’s the best way to develop a cohesive, winning team that produces desired results.

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The difficult supervisor

When you’re working under a difficult supervisor or boss, it’s easy to develop a poor attitude. A bad attitude feels good for a while but demonizing your boss won’t make things better. A far more productive approach is to think of him or her as a person rather than an ogre or monster (or drill instructor). Chances are very good that he or she is dealing with many of the same pressures you are – from family needs and expectations to the expectations (realistic and unrealistic) of higher ups in the organization. He, like you, has to produce the desired results.

As far as it depends on you, the employee, try to make your boss’ life more pleasant. And let him know that is your goal! How? Do your job according to his or her specifications – not yours. I’ve told my boss that I never want him to be surprised and, if it’s within my power, I make sure he never is. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can depend on me to keep him in important loops, from office gossip to industry information. I’ve also told him that he can depend on me to help him look good because I’m depending on HIM to help make ME look good as well. “I scratch your back and you scratch mine” – but I make sure I take the first step.

Sometimes a boss makes decisions you don’t understand, but like it or not, your boss is in charge, and your personal work situation will improve if you maintain a good attitude and a good relationship (hint: your good attitude about your boss comes before a good relationship with your boss).

How to have a better relationship with your boss

Pay attention to how your boss works and adapt yourself to that style. Listen to what he or she says or doesn’t say. Don’t be a complete copycat, but if he or she wants no less than three options when you present something, give four.

If you have an issue, discuss it directly with him or her. If the problem persists, wait a few days and ask, “Have you had a chance to think about that issue we discussed?” If the problem still hangs on or is particularly serious, seek advice from your human resources department.

Never use phrases such as, “But that’s not my job.” It makes you seem whiny and uncooperative and that’s not the best way to have a good performance review or get paid what you’re worth.

Before you go to your boss with a new idea, extensively prepare background materials for support, but don’t neglect your current assignments! Going off the reservation on a personal quest doesn’t make you look like a team player either.

He or she has been placed in that position to get things done. Once a decision is made, respect it regardless of whether you agree or not.

If you have differences with your boss, don’t let the whole office know. Don’t just agree in public then complain in the break-room.

When your boss has done something particularly well, offer a compliment, but do this only for significant achievements or milestones. Otherwise you seem like an apple-polishing suck-up. No one likes insincere flattery.>

If you still have a problem, maybe your boss isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s you. It never hurts to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask your self, “Am I being unreasonable?” or “Should I have this response? Is it in my personal best interest?”

What’s really important? Being right or being employed? In today’s job market, that’s not a crazy question. If you’d rather be right, I’d suggest dusting off your resume.

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It’s just human intuition to seek out a mentor. We instinctively know that if we can learn what’s worked for others, there’s a greater likelihood we will experience success when we emulate them, and in most cases, it’s helpful to find a mentor and learn to emulate their success patterns.

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” — John Quincy Adams

Why choose a mentor? People choose to enter into a mentoring relationship for a wide variety of reasons:

• Career issues
• Advice on budgeting
• Parenting help
• Managing others
• Marital advice
• Learning to negotiate
• Financial guidance
• Learning to be a better writer
• A desire to make extra money

Regardless of why you’re choosing to enter into a mentoring relationship, the personal characteristics of who you choose to be your mentor should be consistent.

Been there, done that

You want a mentor who has experience doing the very thing you hope to learn. This person should have many experiences and should know exactly how to assist you along the way in this mentoring relationship. They say that experience is the best teacher and it’s true, but the second best teacher is someone else’s experience … as long as you’re willing to listen and they have succeeded in doing what you want to learn.

The key issue: specifically, how does your mentor’s experience match what YOU want to accomplish?

Integrity

Integrity is traditionally defined as honesty and you certainly don’t want a mentor that will lie to you, but integrity also means wholeness, completeness, and soundness. Think of the “integrity” of a ship’s hull or an airplane’s wing. You want a mentor that is sound in their thinking, complete in their experiences (a few failures along the way is a good thing), and well rounded in the area you hope to master.

The key issue: does this mentor’s personal character match your values?

Rapport

Don’t waste your time trying to learn from someone you cannot connect with. That mentoring relationship will never work. Being able to connect with your mentor on several levels will insure you develop that same well-roundedness that you’re mentor hopefully possesses.

The key issue: is there a bond between you and your chosen mentor?

Composure

When your mentor is faced with a stress filled situation, how does he or she act? Composure is the mark of experience and a well rounded mentor doesn’t blow off steam, freak out, or panic when things don’t go just right. Your mentor should be able to handle most situations with poise and composure.

The key issue: does your proposed mentor have an air of balanced assurance?

Intuition

The best mentors have that 6th sense when it comes to their area of expertise. It really isn’t a sense in the paranormal sense of the word – it really stems from experience. A great mentor will instinctively know when you’ve learned enough for one day, will have insights to things that aren’t readily evident to you, and will seem to know what to do without going through a rational process. As you spend time with your mentor, you’ll probably pick up on his or her thought processes and begin to figure out that they can “read” people, understand market shifts, or grasp what you’re trying to write on a deeper level.

The key issue: does your mentor have an innate knowledge of the area you wish to master?

When it comes time to choose a mentor, choose carefully. You want a teacher who not only has all the characteristics listed above, but also is the type of person your wish to become. You become like those you hang around so again, choose carefully. Few things are as frustrating as being disappointed by someone you looked to for guidance.

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It’s okay, we all give up too easily sometimes. You are not alone! It doesn’t matter if it was weight loss, living by a budget, learning to play a musical instrument, blogging regularly, spending time with the kids, learning Spanish, or any one of your New Year’s Resolutions, giving up too easily is a common human condition. If you’re like me, you look back and wonder what was wrong with you. I know I ask myself repeatedly, “Why did I give up so easily?”

Why is persistence so difficult to develop?

I’ve prided myself in the past for my determination and will-power, but if I’m honest, MY determination and will-power were supplemented by a support structure, most notably from my wife and family.

“In other words, how bad do you want it? And how far are you willing to go to get it? Unless the answer is all the way, you will not persist. You will give up.”  –Napoleon Hill

Willingness to stay the course certainly plays an important part in persistence but why have you and I been unwilling in the past?

1. A purposeless existence. If we don’t know, really, really know what we want out of our lives, there isn’t a reason to persevere with a task, especially in the face of hardship.

2. Too much reliance on others. Other people won’t develop persistence inside of you – they can’t. They’re too busy with their own struggles to have to pull you up too.

3. Disorganized plans. Clutter and disorganization demotivate. Even if your plans are practical and strong, if they’re disorganized you won’t persevere.

4. Guessing about the outcome. Even “educated” guesses are less valuable than experience or observation. When we guess about how our plans will turn out, we aren’t motivated. I know I’m not.

5. Lack of desire. You’ll quit almost anything if you don’t desire it anymore. I quit piano lessons because I just didn’t care anymore – football was more important as was almost anything else. I did teach myself to play the guitar later, but that was because I wanted to learn it. Girls liked guitar players, not the classical piano geeks.

6. Uncooperative colleagues. Without empathy, understanding, “synergism,” and cooperation, your enterprise is destined for failure. Quitting will be the symptom that shows up.

7. Too many commitments. Followed by performing the task very poorly. Some people quit because continuing on means damage to their reputation because they cannot put the task in a higher priority category.

8. A habit of quitting. Persistence is a habit. Quitting is a habit. Some people have developed a habit for one or the other and that can be a factor in their persistence.

9. Not enough resistance. Sounds counterintuitive but (maybe it’s a personality flaw?), tell me I *CAN’T* do something and you better watch out. I once had a boss that told me I shouldn’t get an MBA and all that did was spur me on. I finished the program early and graduated with honors just so I could hang that diploma in my office.

10. A negative outlook. There have been times in my past that I was more than willing to concentrate my thoughts on negative and discouraging influences – and wouldn’t you know it – I quit those activities.

How to develop persistence

• Decide your purpose and back it with a burning desire.
• Create an organized, well thought out plan based on experience or observation (yours or someone you admire and trust).
• List the benefits of accomplishing your plan. Use the most detail possible.
• Ally yourself with positive people who will encourage you to follow through with your plans and your purpose.
• Seal your thought processes against negative thoughts and against anyone who would discourage you.

You can change. You’ve been changing and developing yourself your entire life. Persistence will change your life – for the better.

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