Favorite Funny Financial Phrases

by Ron Haynes

Some of these really aren’t so much funny as thought provoking. Enjoy!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.–Anonymous

If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. –Benjamin Franklin

EinsteinThe hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax. –Albert Einstein.

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill. –Peter Ustinov.

There are three ways of losing money: Racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain.–Lord Amherst

More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.–John Nelson.

I wish that dear Karl could have spent more time acquiring capital instead of merely writing about it. –Jenny Marx

It’s better to give than to lend and it costs about the same. –Philip Gibbs.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.–Anonymous

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. –JP Getty.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. –Anonymous

My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil. –J Paul Getty.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. –Woody Allen.

Mark TwainOctober: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. –Mark Twain

Always take money from a Pessimist…They never expect it back… –Anonymous

Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die. –Max Asnas.

We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.–Keith Davis.

I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.–Anonymous

I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. –ee cummings

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock this afternoon. –Henry Youngman.

To make a million, start with $900,000. –Morton Shulman.

You can’t have everything….where would you put it?–Anonymous

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. –Franklin Jones.

When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s really the money. –Artemus Ward

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. –J. Paul Getty

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you prove that you don’t need it. –Bob Hope

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. –Robert Orben

Gentlemen prefer bonds. –Andrew Mellon.

I’m not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money. –Will Rogers

Born free… taxed to death. –Anonymous

Okay, now it’s YOUR turn. What’s your favorite funny financial phrase?[tags]funny, money, finances, humor, Bob Hope, Will Rogers, Woody Allen, Franklin, Getty, Twain[/tags]

About the author

Ron Haynes has written 1000 articles on The Wisdom Journal.

The founder and editor of The Wisdom Journal in 2007, Ron has worked in banking, distribution, retail, and upper management for companies ranging in size from small startups to multi-billion dollar corporations. He graduated Suma Cum Laude from a top MBA program and currently is a Human Resources and Management consultant, helping companies know how employees will behave in varying situations and what motivates them to action, assisting firms in identifying top talent, and coaching managers and employees on how to better communicate and make the workplace MUCH more enjoyable. If you'd like help in these areas, contact Ron using the contact form at the top of this page or at 870-761-7881.

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loved this post…i collect quotes and found most of these to be both humorous and thought provoking. It’s truly wise (thus not surprising to find here) to listen to the advice of those who have come before us.

That said, I love the Mark Twain quote the best I think. =)



You should have titled it “Favorite Funny Money Quotes”

Good collection.

BTW – I discovered your blog through Ciaran’s StumbleUpon page.

Andy Wood

Great collection. Per your request, here are a few more:

“When your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep becomes your downfall, and your assets wind up in jail.”
-Mike Gilchrist

“Our house had wall-to-wall carpeting, and back-to-wall financing.”
-Mike Gilchrist

“Buy now, pay later?” More like “Today the thrill, tomorrow the kill.”
-Mike Gilchrist.

“A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.” -Yogi Berra

When asked “What would you do if you found a million dollars?” Yogi Berra responded, “if the guy was poor, I’d give it back”

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


@Andy Wood
Those are GREAT! Thanks for the contribution to the list!


If I was a heptathlete, insurance would be like my shot put. -Ciaran From ChanceFavors


THAT’S funny! Good one.

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