Comments on: Here’s My Problem: I Have A Friend Who Is About To Make A Really Stupid Decision

By: fathersez

fathersez — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 01:12:07 +0000

Another question might be to ask ‘how many days or hours of wages is needed to pay for the vacation or car installment or whatever”.

This might help out the expense in perspective.

Regards

By: Revanche

Revanche — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:36:42 +0000

It only took me fifteen+ years to learn this, but I cannot do unto others, because I personally expect others to be upfront with me if they think I’m doing something wrong or stupid. I expect to be, respectfully of course, informed of factual errors that play a role in my decision-making, and have no objection to being criticized if the person has a good point or my well-being at heart. Most people don’t function that way, take it personally or go entirely in the opposite direction that you would recommend because they’re taking it personally.

In learning that lesson, however, I did learn that there is a way to sit friends down and let them know you care about them, that because you care for them, you might suggest they do [insert action here] differently and why, and let them know that you’re there as support. Plus a dash of: Hope for the best. As plonkee says, it might not all go wrong.

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By: plonkee

plonkee — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:26:54 +0000

The short answer is that you can’t keep someone from making a bad decision – it’s one of the privileges of adulthood.

You can certainly say that you tihnk it’s a bad idea, but I’m not sure that I’d react all that well. I think asking questions is a good idea, and trying to remain neutral. And never saying “I told you so” if it all goes wrong. And accepting that it might not all go wrong.

By: Joshua @ Accountable Living

Joshua @ Accountable Living — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:43:58 +0000

For me, there are two points to the frustration: That they won’t “listen”, and that you know that they will continue to make bad decisions.

In all honesty, the idea of loving unconditionally does not mean that you have to be silent when a friend is making a decision that you don’t agree with. But part of the answer rests in whether or not the decision really affects you. If it doesn’t, then outside of some prompting, you have to ask yourself if you value your friendship more than the decision that they are making ( or continue to make ).

In the end, if you have lovingly expressed your opinion ( and more if it was asked for ), but a friend doesn’t heed your advice…… let them alone and let them experience the consequences of their decision. You can be just as good a friend when you help them on ” the other side”.

By: Chelo Marroquin

Chelo Marroquin — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:09:01 +0000

Just remember the golden rule how would you like to treated? How would you like to be approached if you were about to make a decision that someone else that was a mistake?

Also keep in mind that what YOU think is a mistake or a bad decision may not be thought of the same by your friend. So be ready if asked to defend your position.

By: Nicki

Nicki — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:01:14 +0000

I think we’ve all got that “friend.” Mine is a friend/relative who constantly cries poverty, but then spends her money on things outside of the lifestyle she can afford. I frequently use the “give advice by asking questions” approach. She rarely takes my advice, almost never, but she knows I care enough to speak the truth in love to her. That’s all I can do.