Bank failure is a serious concern nationwide. But how do you tell if your bank is on the brink? There are many “financial” signs, but I think there are some more reliable indications:
1. They have an incessant need to lower expenses by chaining pens to the desk.
2. The bank’s vault door is open, but the front door is still locked at 9:13AM.
3. The branch manager has a water bottle and a squeegee waiting on you in the drive through.
4. Their “security” question asks how many toes are on your left foot.
5. There are no withdrawal slips available anywhere but plenty of deposit slips.
6. The branch manager is wearing a tie that has another bank’s logo.
7. All teller lanes are closed but one.
8. There are 597 FDIC signs in the lobby.
9. You’re charged a $12 fee to make a deposit, a $9 fee to open their door, and a $27 fee to breath their oxygen for 3 minutes.
10. When you tell them you’d like to open a CD, they hand you a complimentary copy of Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits still wrapped in cellophane.
11. Toasters? Out. Valet parking? In. Oddly enough, there’s a used car lot just next door…
12. When you cash your check, they give you Euros.
13. The drive through window now allows deposits AND serves burgers and fries.
14. They demand 100% down on your mortgage.
15. The tellers have signs that say, “Will count money for food.”
16. There’s a new banner over the front door that reads, “We LOVE Congress!”
17. The bank president is on vacation in North Korea.
18. There’s an auction going on in the back parking lot. Lots of desks and filing cabinets…
19. The FDIC answers the customer service phone line.
20. The security guard carries a gun with a little orange tip on the barrel.
21. The Commercial Loan department wants to know how much YOU can lend THEM.
[tags]bank failure, business, bank, banking, FDIC, insured deposits[/tags]
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#3 is hilarious.
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Ron 's reply:
July 24th, 2008
#Marc and Angel Hack Life→
Yeah, once you cover the cost of the squeegee and the water bottle, the rest is pure profit…
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Before the Wachovia-First Union merger, First Union was notorious for charging fees on anything and everything. People called them “The F.U. Bank.”
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