In the current economy ^[2], and with the increased interest in frugality and thrift, we’ve heard time and time again about needs vs. wants. We’ve heard over and over to focus on our needs, not our wants, that “wants” are frivolous, they’re excessive, they’re going to put you in the poorhouse. Everyone asks, “What do I really need?”

Of all the forces around us, whether environmental, physical, emotional, or mental, perhaps the most powerful is the language we speak to ourselves. What we think and say to and about ourselves can have a far greater impact on our own success than just about anything. That’s why it becomes important to focus on what you really want rather than what you need and to change the way you think about needs and wants.

A “needs” focus will keep you from success

How? Needs are the language of obligation. I need, I must, I should, I have to …

• I “need” to pay the mortgage ^[3] (so I don’t lose my home and die of exposure).
• I “must” keep THIS job (it’s unfulfilling, yes, but I’ll put up with anything to keep food on the table).
• I “have to” go to this meeting (even though I have much more pressing obligations).
• I “gotta” pay my credit card ^[4] bill (despite not knowing where the money will come from).
• I “need” a job (so I’ll take anything, do anything, compromise my dreams ^[5], and live in constant desperation).
• I “need” to create a budget ^[6] (so I just throw something together without thinking it through).
• I “really should” get my emergency fund ^[7] in place (but I don’t know how I’ll fund it).
• I “need” to [fill in your own blank].

A “needs” focus doesn’t fulfill, doesn’t motivate ^[8], doesn’t help you develop self discipline ^[9], and doesn’t propel you toward anything resembling success. “Needing” to ace an interview is a sure way to botch it. No one wants to hire a needy interviewee.

A “wants” focus motivates and inspires

How? Wants are the language of intention. I will, I am, I’m going to, my goal is …

• You are required to pay your mortgage ^[3], but deeper down what you really want is to have no mortgage ^[3] at all. Now, you have a goal, a dream to strive for. What’s your next step?
• Maybe what you really want is to follow your passion ^[10] and start your own company so you can create the life that YOU want. What’s your next step?
• Your boss may force you attend that meeting, but what you really want is to finish your degree ^[11] and become the boss. What’s your next step?
• Credit card ^[4] payments can’t be ignored, but what you really want is to make extra money ^[12] and get free from that burden of debt. What’s your next step?
• A budget ^[6] is a great thing, but what you really want is the freedom that a budget ^[6] gives you. What’s your next step?
• Yes, an emergency fund ^[7] is also a great thing, but what you really want is the peace of mind it provides. What’s your next step?

It’s more than just semantics

It’s a change in focus, and change in attitude, and a change in your world-view. Focus on your goals, focus on your wants, abandon the language of obligation and begin speaking the language of intention. Don’t let yourself be defined by what you “need.” After all, what you truly need is a very, very small list. Instead become a person defined by clear goals and intentions and lift the burden of needs from your shoulders.

About the author

Ron has written 1080 articles on The Wisdom Journal.

The founder and editor of The Wisdom Journal ^[19] in 2007, Ron has worked in banking, distribution, retail, and upper management for companies ranging in size from small startups to multi-billion dollar corporations. He graduated Suma Cum Laude from a top MBA program and currently is a partner in a national building materials company.

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