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Why worry about retirement? It’s so much more fun to enjoy life NOW. Besides, anyone who’s ever worked on a demolition crew knows what fun it can be. So lets wreck our retirement plans and enjoy the “here and now!”
Step #1. Spend like there’s no tomorrow.
Also known as the paycheck to paycheck PLUS lifestyle, overspending on unimportant things such as dinners out, super extravagant vacations, designer clothing, and ever larger flat screen televisions can help insure that you live out your golden years in public housing, dependent on your grown children and Social Security for support. See, I told you it would be easy to wreck your retirement!
Step #2. Don’t waste time trying to earn more.
Just do the job you have and use your free time for relaxing not chasing extra income. Besides, retirement is a long way away and it isn’t easy to make extra money when you’re chilling out with friends. What’s more important? friends or retirement?
Step #3. Who needs a savings account?
Saving money is for wimps. Forget that annuity. You prefer to live life on the edge (of collapse). But, hey, when you’re spending it ALL, what are you going to save anyway. Keep spending! Woo Hoo!
Step #4. You don’t need no stinking 401(k) or a Roth IRA.
You need that money NOW, not when you’re sitting in a wheelchair in an old folk’s home with a blanket on your lap! Besides, retirement is SO far away. You’ll be able to work something out between now and then.
Step #5. Don’t worry about those taxes.
You don’t have enough money lying around to even think about taxes. Even if you did, there’s probably nothing you can do to reduce the effects of taxes on your retirement planning … is there? Ah, probably not. Just forget about them. Retirement will take care of itself.
Step #6. Inflation won’t have that big of an effect.
Inflation is only, what? Three or four percent? Yeah, like THAT’S going to make a difference in the long run. Since everything goes up in price anyway, I’m sure you’ll keep pace with it.
Step #7. Last year, your retirement fund earned 31%.
I’m sure it will continue. Why should you think that it will go down? Even if it earned half that much, you’ll still be sitting pretty in another 30 years. It should keep earning that much annually, don’t you think?
Step #8. You don’t have time to educate yourself on investing.
You’re too busy earning and spending it to worry with learning anything about how your money works or about diversification or about other investment vehicles. Just let that guy with the brokerage firm handle everything with your retirement accounts. Maybe he will stop calling and asking you to come in to discuss “risk tolerance” or “asset allocation” (whatever those are).
Step #9. Insurance? Don’t get me started.
I’ve never been sick a day in my life and insurance companies are just out there for the money. Life insurance? Why? Disability? Gimme a break? I mean, what are the chances I will EVER use this stuff?
Step #10. Don’t tell me things could get bad.
I don’t want to hear your negativity and don’t go hating on me! Everything will turn out fine, it always does. There’s no sense in making contingency plans or in having an emergency fund.. It just weakens your resolve to make things turn out for the better.
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